What happens when the optimist loses his/her optimism?

I dont know. I hope it's not something I am figuring out right now. Arhghhhghh. So many things on my mind right now. I don't know if it's graduation woes or what...but I should be feeling like the happiest person ever...but I don't. I am super scared of the future. How can four years of college go by so fast? We used to imagine what it would be like when we graduate and move on to bigger better things but instead are we just moving home to nothing? UGh...so frustrating...I wish I would have known what four years of college would lead to. I would just never stop going to school. But the drive to learn is long gone. I am too jaded by the crazy gunners/cheaters/nerdy people. It's not what it used to be like in high schoool. The passion, the joy of figuring something out. Solving a hard math problem or finally understanding the piece of literature.

fuck this